Why Unrequited Love is bullshit.

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As a romance writer, I know an unrequited love story – predictable as it might be – is a sure bet. A heart-breaking story of a maudlin on the inside, chirpy on the outside girl/boy who loves deeply, passionately, and self-destructively is what everyone latches on to. And why not? What’s not to love? Arijit Singh has built his career on this (and tonnes of talent). The harder you cry in private and the louder you laugh in public, the more your character will resonate with your readers/consumers. 
We might not have felt real love, we might not ever be in a cracker of a love story, but we all have been in unrequited love stories. We are heroes in that narrative, martyrs even. The object of our affection could be a curious mix of Beyonce and Teresa and Curie and Amal and Trevor Noah, and yet he or she would be the cruel, heartless one, unmindful of our endless love for them! There is an underlying assumption that they wouldn’t be as happy as we would make them. We look at them smiling weakly, our eyes glossed over, at our assumed misery of them. We wear our rejection, our sorrow as a badge of honour. Friends slap our backs and tip their hats to us, drink in our names. We romanticise the Devdas, Ranjhaana and Nisha (Dil To Pagal Hai) versions of us. 

Raanjhanaa-2013-500x500

I have been guilty of it too. My first relationship lasted 8 years. For the first five, she didn’t know I was madly in love with her. The rest three were more embarrassing. I spent years loving her, creating alternate realities where we were lovers. I dreamt of a future where she would come crawling back to me realising the folly of her ways. She would be 40 with two kids, stuck with a wealthy, abusive husband, and I – still unmarried and waiting for her – will be her knight in shining armour. 

It wasn’t until many years later that I realised how I naïve I was. I too thought of myself like a heartbroken shayar with no shayaris to boot. Little do we understand that even shayars/poets – crazy talented as they might be – they are also playing to an audience. I was caught in the romanticised notion of it all. Nonsense. Why would I or anyone do that to themselves? It is an ongoing assault on ourselves.  Why would we selflessly love someone with no hope of that being reciprocated? 

6 comments

  1. So true. Unrequited love is nothing but self destructive. What’s the point of loving someone so deeply, when that person isn’t even aware of your very existence? And even if that person knows you, and is well aware of the fact that you love him or her, is that person doing anything about it? Such romanticism is good only in songs, movies and novels, not in real life.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The variegated concept of love itself is ubiquitous . How differently one perceives it and feels about it is what stands relative. Coming to say of it ‘unrequited love ‘ is exaggerated o a great extent and sole credet for influencing the sapien mind goes to the despairing stories that 70 mm screen portrays. Now to say Unrequited love is bull shit will not really be meticulous. Love is not about expectation neither love is only about selfless giving . It’s the complicated amalgamation of both. But sometimes when either of the two fails the overpowering emotion leads to 1) Obessessive vengeance To get him/her back be it by negative hook or by positive crook 2) acceptation of the fact and moving on ( the safest of all) 3) Being the ‘ Beloved’ who ll be there waiting for you some where in infinity. The last one is mostly appropriate for movies and books but the reality to it is far fetched and delusional. People never stop loving that ‘ someone’ the feeling just goes dormant . The eruption of this dormant feeling is aggrandized and transformed into scripts for films like Ae Dil Hai mushkil. Devdas . Stereotypical af.
    Lastly to talk about those folks who start to ship themselves with a person in the world of apparition and lastly at the crux when that person gets involved into a new life a new blooming relation the beloved starts on with the concept of ‘I-Will-love-you-in-silence-brcause-in-silence-you-are-only-mine’. The follies of not seeing price tag before purchasing feelings.
    Concluding my comment with the thought love has lost its true meaning and charm to entice the humanity just by its name is like a common myth in disguise this has happened due to its amplified use and misuse. The proletariats of the world should pull down their horses and try to semblance the purity and the endowment of this strong emotion , and ador the beautiful ardor.
    Mr. Datta I mostly don’t agree with your thoughts and perception but sincerely appreciate you for standing as the most renowned and talked about romance writer in India currently.
    Regards
    Always.
    Adrija

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  3. Yes its true and we even feel hurt by reading or watching these type of stories ending up with no happy climax then how these stories have succeeded and people loved them.

    Like

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